There?s nothing like a good ole juicy Relationship Judge issue for us to weigh in on.? Get your gossip caps on, we need your input and fast ? things are getting interesting!? Jamie wrote in last week to explain a situation she?s been dealing with for the past several months.? She?s now at a point where she?s not sure what to do?and could use some feedback.? Here we go?
The Facts: ?Jamie has worked with Alex for the past two years on Capitol Hill (Washington, DC).? Both have been in other relationships the whole time but jokingly refer to each other as the other?s ?work spouse.?? They spend tons of time together ? breakfast runs to the local coffee shop every morning, meetings throughout the day, quick lunches,?errand runs mid-afternoon.? They truly have a wonderful friendship and talk about anything and everything under the sun.? Jamie became single about 6 months ago, the result of finding out her boyfriend was cheating on her and Alex helped her through the whole thing.? Jamie has hung out with Alex and his girlfriend multiple times outside of work, has babysat their dog, has gone out on dates that Alex and his girlfriend have set her up on, etc.?
In addition to going through the stresses of work life together, Alex has confided in Jamie about his doubts about the long term potential of his relationship.? He loves his girlfriend, but there are several things about her that he feels will not make her wife material (e.g., she won?t talk about getting?engaged, she has indicated that she doesn?t want children, she wants to move closer to her family in Houston while Alex wants to stay in DC).? Can you tell where this is going? Jamie has recently found herself thinking of Alex as more than just a friend, though she?s worried about risking their friendship or meddling in their relationship if she says something.? Not to mention she?d still have to work with Alex every day if the reaction was a bad one.? She is confused about whether to act on her feelings or not ? annoyed to be browsing at engagement rings with Alex on his lunch hour for a person who she knows is not the right person for her friend while wondering how it would feel if they were engagement ring shopping for HER instead.? YIKES.? She?s resolved to stay quiet for the moment, but THEN something happened.? At a recent office Christmas party, a little too much wine consumed, Alex was complaining to Jamie about his girlfriend and for the first time mentioned something along the lines of, ?and all along, the perfect girl has been standing right next to me and I haven?t got the guts to do anything about it.?? WOAH.? The comment was ignored and things have gone on as usual.? Still, Jamie is wondering if she should act or wait until Alex figures out his relationship with his girlfriend first.? She?s heard him talk multiple times before about ending things, but he never does.
The Question: Should Jamie communicate to Alex in any way that she?s got romantic feelings for him? Is it wrong to go after someone while they?re in a relationship with someone else?? If she does say something ? when is the right time and what should be said?
The Relationship Judge Says: Jamie, as I?m reading this, I?ve got that Taylor Swift song in my head,
?If you could see that I?m the one who understands you.
Been here all along so why can?t you see- eee -eee, you belong with me-ee-ee.?
You belong?with me.??
Your issue is the stuff of great romantic comedies.? Didn?t you see Sleepless in Seattle?? What would Meg Ryan do?? But since this is not a Rom-Com and you need some advice in the real world, here?s my two cents.? A guy that?s confused about his current relationship should be handled delicately and not hastily claimed without good reason.? The last thing you want to do is step in before he?s got his mind made up about his girlfriend.? If you do say something and a drunken night turns into a night of thrilling passion, your dear friend may wake up to realize that this tension between you two (and let?s be clear ? he absolutely has thought about it and it?s on his radar ? his holiday party comment is proof of that) was just that ? tension.? You don?t want a drunken night to be the catalyst that makes him decide he really does love his girlfriend and now that he?s gotten his cake and eaten a little bit ? he?s content to go back and make things work?out with the other.? THAT IS WORSE.? If the two of you are truly compatible and have a chance of making things work out, he?s got to make the effort to finish off his current relationship. Please, please, PLEASE don?t get involved in one of those ?colleagues with benefits? arrangements where he?s hanging with you during the day with the occasional hook-up and then goes back to his girlfriend on nights, weekends and holidays.? That?s NO GOOD and will ultimately lead to resentment, pain and loneliness.? Know that you are worthy and deserving of someone who realizes the amazing person you are and is willing to act on that knowledge to be with you.?
BUT.
Because guys can often be a little thick and since it sounds like you do have a solid friendship foundation, I don?t oppose you informing him in some clear yet firm way that a) you do have some feelings for him and b) you will not act in any way on those feelings until he has figured out what?s going on with his girlfriend.? Whether that?s over some drinks at happy hour, at your daily CVS run to get candy for the office or over scrambled eggs at breakfast ? some times guys don?t have a clue and while it seems likely that he?s very much thought about you in more than a platonic sense, he may not have thought that you?d be interested back.?? But say it once and that?s all. The rest is up to him.? If you don?t get a quick reaction from it, MOVE ON.? Go on other dates. Stay busy. Make some other office friends ? and try to think of Alex how you initially thought of him ? a great friend who you like spending time with at work.
Side note and you probably already know this: I?d distance yourself for now from Alex?s girlfriend.? Not sure if you?re doing any one on one outings with her, but while you?re having these hidden thoughts of going off into the sunset with her boyfriend, now?s not the time to get too chummy.? All?s fair in love and war, but I?m guess his girlfriend will be pretty pissed if she finds out something is or was going on with you guys while they were still together.? Let?s face it, she?ll be pretty pissed if she finds out you were together AFTER too.? Some times there?s no way around that stuff, so be kind but not chummy!
If it does work out and Alex does make a move to end things and pursue you properly, please no sex at the office!? And I?d be careful about letting other colleagues in on your little office romance before you guys have figured out what exactly it is.? Several years back a couple of colleagues at my office unexpectedly announced they were engaged. We were all shocked of course as we hadn?t even known they were dating.? They said they wanted to figure out on their own where things were going before getting the office rumor mill involved.? Be smart.? Be discreet.? May luck be with you.? Don?t become the ?Other Woman!?
Your Turn: Would you go after a friend who?s in a relationship already? If so, how?? If not, why not??
Hope you are all enjoying a very happy holiday season.? Have a great weekend and don?t forget to get ready for the JP / Ashley wedding this Sunday on ABC.? It is now confirmed by a source that Ali Fedtowsky and Roberto Martinez DID hook up at their wedding, which makes me even more excited to see how it all went down.? We?re off next week on vacation, but I?ll be checking in regularly.???
Until next time, you can receive updates if you ?Like? my Facebook page (http://www.facebook.com/OfficeStace) or ?Follow? me on Twitter (@OfficeStace).
the fray seahawks new uniforms 2012 tornadoes in dallas anchorman 2 kentucky basketball oaksterdam the fray national anthem
কোন মন্তব্য নেই:
একটি মন্তব্য পোস্ট করুন